Some say you should never play a player. Well one of Khao Lak\’s best didn\’t listen and tried it on me! Well, it backfired on him.
The Back Story:
Paddy was one of the first people I met when I got here in April. He went away for a bit to travel through Nepal and climb to the base camp at Everest. When he got back he proceeded to bombard everyone in town with unique pranks.
A couple of my favorites were…
- Stealing a huge, five foot tall yellow neon sign with a big ostrich that said “Eat me!” on it, from a local restaurant. Then rolling it down the highway in the middle of the night, and sticking it in one of the other volunteers\’ room.
- The best one was when him and a couple other outgoing volunteers decided to steal each and every volunteers flip-flops from out in front of their bungalows. For the next few days along with some very pissed off people, sandal sales skyrocketed in town. At the Monday night meeting they struck again! They locked all the doors to the building from the outside, dumped everyone\’s left flip flop outside and left a note saying that the other one was at the Fisherman Bar. They ended up getting kicked out for that one, but it was funny as hell. The people in the meeting had to use a hacksaw to cut their way out. And when everyone got out they were looking at entirely more flip-flops than they expected. Fortunately for me, I was in Kho Tao at the time and thus spared being a victim.
However I did end up being a recipient of one of his patented pranks about a week before him and a small group went to help the people in Pakistan in the wake of the earthquake. I was totally unaware of the fact that I had been pranked, and even when asked if I had been by Karen, a neighbor, I said no. A couple days go by though and I was sitting at my computer on my little table and I looked up and noticed that the elephant carving that came with the room. I thought! Maybe I have been pranked.
As the elephant carving didn\’t mean anything to me I didn\’t pay any attention to it. However a couple of nights later when I went to watch a movie and couldn\’t find my remotes! Well a line was crossed.
The next day I was talking to Sarah, Paddy\’s girlfriend and I told her I don\’t give a shit about the elephant, I just wanted the remotes â€˜cause I can\’t work the TV and DVD player without them. She fessed to not having a clue about the pranks, but she told me I should teach him a lesson. So we conspired and came up with a plan!
That night happened to be their last night in Khao Lak and while they were out getting hammered at the Pia bar I went to their bungalow to find my remotes and do a little prankin of my own. However when I walked right in through their unlocked door (which meant they lost their key), I saw that because they were such slobs anything I did to the room would not even be noticed unless I cleaned the room entirely. So as I was thinking what to do I found one of my remotes but not both.
Then I came up with a great idea. What item above all else does a backpacker need when traveling? That\’s right! I stole his backpack. On my way out I locked both doors, shoved a big wooden chair up against the window so they couldn\’t get in that way and left.
The next day around 3 at the volunteer center my Spidey-senses alerted me and told me I should take a walk home. A five minute walk from the center to my doorstep and I hear noises inside! I quietly slip the key in the lock and turn and pull and there is a 5\’6 red-headed Paddy very dumbly looking at me caught in the act.
“Hey there William! We were just! Cleaning your room!”
I see Roxanne, his accomplice, next to the back door trying in vain to hide behind the half length curtains.
After a minute of me being silent to get him uncomfortable he bursts out,
“Do you have my bag?”
“I do.” I respond.
“Is it here?” he asks.
I told him that it wasn\’t and I want my remote and the elephant back before he could have his bag back. To which he responded that the remote is no problem but getting the elephant back was something he couldn\’t do.
Now this is where the plan Sarah and I cooked up comes into play!
I look sharply at him and trying to display an air of anger and upset, but at the same time covering it up with calm.
A little un-nerved he repeats that he wouldn\’t be able to get it back.
Losing the calm a little I say.
“I really don\’t think you would have taken it, if you knew what that meant to me. That elephant was given to me by my Mother who died of cancer last year. She used to spend a lot of time in Northern Thailand where she got it. That was the number one reason for me coming to Thailand instead of Sri Lanka or Banda Aceh!” Of course none of this was true.
After hearing this he covered his face with his hands and looked up with those eyes of “I fucked up so badly, how do I begin to right this wrong?”
He apologized profusely and said he would do what he could to get someone to find it. I told him to lock up my room and call me when he found the remote and I would tell him where his backpack was. And I left.
2o minutes later he called and told me he had the remote. So I told him to put it on top of the non-working refrigerator that was sitting outside my bungalow (no clue why it\’s there actually) and after he did that I told him to open the door to the fridge and that\’s where his backpack was.
They only had an hour to catch the bus to Bangkok so he had to scramble and put all his belonging in his pack and get up to Takuapa 30 minutes away!
I never told him that I was playing him.
Paddy if you\’re reading this now, “DUDE, YOU GOT PUNK\’D”
Check Out William's Latest Book
There Ain’t No Pageantry in Cockfighting
A short novela recounting a surf trip to Baja turns South when the engine my '71 Volkswagon seized, leading me on an adventure down Baja 1000 roads, encounters with transvestite prostitutes, and drought ending weddings.
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